To:               LandCruisers@tlca.org
Send reply to:    LandCruisers@tlca.org
Date sent:        Sat, 06 Dec 1997 06:36:29 -0800
From:             Bruce 
Subject:          Acknowlegement of an Oops....

Greetings fellow Cruiser owners-

As I sit staring out the window on this gloomy day, I thought I should
provide an explanation to why this is being written from a hospital bed.
I was working on "Ray" yesterday - installing a new AM/FM/Cassette and
misc. maintenance work.  All of the sudden this strange looking guy
drives up in a Dangler, jumps out and proclaims, "Hi, I'm Crawford.  Saw
your really cool Je#p and thought I'd stop buy to tell you where to get
all the chrome you need to make your Je*p look really hot - the ultimate
chic magnet...."  I cautiously shake this strangers hand and explain
that this is a Cruiser - not a Je*p.  Crawford gets this horrified look
in his eye as he reaches for a paper towel to wipe the grease off this
hand - he realizes he has accidentally stopped to look at one of those
strange, old, rusty trucks - just like the ones from that scary bar -
The Broken Birfield.  In a moment of panic, Crawford decides to stay and
watch me work on "Ray", rather than draw too much attention by leaving
as fast as he can.  He begins to spout all sorts of info about Danglers
- "Best 4x4 for the year", "Unstoppable off-road - gee didn't you see
the Je*p commercial on TV with those cool Je*ps on top of the
mountains?", etc......

My problem was that I was not really paying close attention to this
blithering idiot or the work I was doing to my Cruiser. Upon attempting
to check the coil and distributor (I have been thinking about a Holley
Annihilator or Jacobs Omni System), I was able to prove that gold (read:
wedding band) is a very good conductor.  My ring must have touched or
arced to the hot lead, and my belt buckle provided the ground to the
truck.  Anyway - ZAP - the HEI coil on my Chevy 350 shocked my as#
across the garage. Upon landing, I hit my head on the base of my bike
rack, causing 2 mountain bikes to come crashing down on me.  Knocked me
out cold.  Neighbor saw me slumped in a heap (that's HEAP, not HE*P) and
called my wife - then called an ambulance (Crawford got scared at the
sight of blood and passed out too).  Dr. says I broke 3 ribs, fractured
my skull, broke my left collar bone (makes it hurt just to think about
driving my power steering challenged Cruiser, "Ray"), 2nd degree burn on
my left "ring" finger, pretty decent electrical shock (verdict still out
on my heart - echo cardiogram is scheduled for today), and a badly
bruised ego. My balance is coming back, but I am still having some
problems with "lost thoughts" - mid-sentenance I'll forget where I'm
going with the conversation.

Moral of the story - if you have a Chevy 350 HEI, the "HEI" stands for
High Energy Ignition.  That means BIG spark, for those of you that are
"electronically challenged".  Also don't let anything distract your
attention from your Cruiser while doing maintenance/upgrades - I think
mine got pissed off and zapped me just to prove a point - "What's that
Dangler doing parked by me?", asked Ray in a low, irritated growl.

I guess I pulled a Crawford.........
--
Bruce "Still Hospital Bound"  TLCA#6388
Redding Medical Center - Redding, CA (165 miles north of Sacramento)
'74 FJ40 - "Ray" - Chevy 350 w/HIGH ENERGY IGNITION

To:               LandCruisers@tlca.org
Send reply to:    LandCruisers@tlca.org
Date sent:        Sun, 07 Dec 1997 10:20:49 -0500
From:             Wally Bedford 
Subject:          Re: Acknowlegement of an Oops....

Alright, lets all try to get into this room and get on with the ceremony.
You know, Bruce, we could all fit into this room a bit easier if your
insurance did not cover you for semi-private.
Mark may not make it.  He got as far as reception and mentioned that he was
"certified" and some guys came and took him away.  He may be a while...
"Hollywood" Barron, clad in his Tevas, is wondering why the West Michigan
contingency is still knocking snow off of themselves.  Jing put in an
appearance, but had to be on his way as he is wondering what a dessert
really looks like.  Bill Jackson has just written in "REDDING, CA" with a
big magic marker under Bruce's little name tag thingy at the foot of the
bed.  Will is checking out the compressed air outlet in the wall and is
wondering if Hobbes could use a setup like that.....
The rest of the Canadian Contingency is downstairs, wondering what all the
extra plumbing on the Californian 2F's is all about.  Joe's posting "For
Sale" posters at the nursing station and Andy is trying to convince the
Radiology department to pull the portable X-Ray machine outside so he can
get a picture of a frame that he suspects is cracked.  Henry is just
leaning in the corner, his shaking head lowered into his hands.  Ok, Sir
Ooper is here so we can get on with the Ceremony.

Right then!  The list has gathered once again to pay tribute to quests for
greatness with electricity.  Sir Oopser, prepare the bed! (Brother Richard
attaches a big ground strap to the bed, and presents Bruce with a custom
fiberglass bed pan prepared by Gozzard....he may not feel too comfy with
metal next to his skin for the next few days).

Whereas Brother Bruce has chosen the path of most resistance, a trail on
the outskirts of Coil, where the waterfall is high, but not a whole lot of
water is falling down (hey, that's like grade nine electricity class!).

And whereas Brother Bruce will probably be wearing a chain mail suit
whenever he works on Ray in the future, to ensure the electrons may return
home on an easier path than his chest.

(Ah, now the "upside down" sect arrives, after fabricating a 'Cruiser
baseball hat with a level-o-gauge attached to the brim, to help with
Bruce's vertigo for a while).

And whereas your quest has led the list to truly understand that gold is
the best conductor you could possibly wear when working on a cruiser.

And whereas....   Manny!  Quit rubbing balloons on Bruce to make them stick
to the wall!  Anyway, Sir Oopser, you may place the sect's Royal Prop Rod
on Brother Bruce's right shoulder.  Ye shall hold the prop rod in the right
hand, ye shall not hold the prop rod in the left hand (rats, wrong script)
but for the love of God, GROUND YOURSELF FIRST!

I Knight you Sir Rod of Lightning, High (voltage) Sheriff of Coil, Most
Esteemed Knight of the Order of the Shortest Circuit.  I would ask you to
rise, but if you did I think that Jack Conrad would "modify" the wiring on
your EKG so it's more "sensible".  The Aussies would also try to replace
the one litre IV bag with a container that's more "expedition worthy".

Bruce, we'll all leave you now to glow in the moment (nyuck, nyuck) while
we head out someplace to discuss the attributes of various fermented malt
beverages.

God Speed.


Wally J. Bedford & "Miss Tremclad"  (1977 FJ40)
Knight Commander of the Order of the Shortest Circuit
both of us are in London, Ontario, Canada     N 42o, 48', 20"
wbedford@odyssey.on.ca           900FASL      W 81o, 17", 08"   

If you have any question, remark, comment, want to share some philosophy or just want to express your opinion about these pages, feel free to send email to: w.j.markerink @ a1.nl