Date sent: Mon, 11/13 Mar 1996 13:26:00 -0600 To: Offroad@ai.gtri.gatech.edu From: tmi_thd3@traveller.com/FHOFFMAN@frederick.solarex.com Subject: Microsoft Cars Send reply to: offroad@ai.gtri.gatech.eduThis may be a little off subject but what the hey!
Ten Things That Would Be Different if Microsoft Started Building Cars:
1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year, instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die, for no apparent reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd accept this.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car95 or CarNT. But then you'd be required to purchase extra seats.
5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, and five times as fast- but it would only run on 5% of roads.
6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning light wouyld be replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. People would get excited about "new" features in Microsoft Cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.
8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
9. The U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. After you bought your flashy new Winfire 95 sports car and found you couldn't drive it out of the showroom because it had square wheels, they wouldn't tell you how to change to round ones until you had gone home to fill out your new Winfire driver registration card.
12. Having finally changed to round wheels and got on the road, one day the round wheels fell off and the Microsoft Car Co. wanted you to pay a big bag of money up front before they would take your phone call to find out if wheel-falling-off problems were covered under warranty.
13. The Australian Government would worship Bill Gatesmobile as the second coming of the Messiah.
And last, but not least;
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take change alight bulb?
A: None, they just declare darkness to be the standard.