FROM: killspammers@aol.computing (Killspammers) SUBJECT: Tire Chains, Cruel, Unusual Punishment ???? (LONG) DATE: 24 Dec 2000 21:56:18 GMT ORGANIZATION: AOL http://www.aol.com NEWSGROUPS: rec.autos.4x4 I love tire chains, they really increase the traction in my 4x4 on snow and ice. They also help you stop and steer whcih even a 4x4 needs in snow and ice. Boy, they sure are hard to put on. When I went to buy them I was able to choose between some flimsy looking cables with a hoop --- or a very heavy duty twisted chain set up. Since my truck is (or at least looks) heavy duty I opted for the twisted link set up. LESSON #1 Fortunately, the first time I installed them was in my dry, well lighted garage with a 55,000 BTU kerosine heater running full tilt. LESSON #1 once you take them out THEY WILL get TANGLED (this is guaranteed). It is much like untangling Christmas lights except its dirty and takes much longer. Each state should allow you to drop tangled chains off at a prison and allow the inmates to untagle them. LESSON #1A practice in your garage at least once before trying in real life - if you don't practice just sit down in the snow and wait until you freeze to death - you will never figure it out "on the road" LESSON #2 When the highway department puts special areas in for motorists to "chain up" they are in specially designed lanes which collect all the slush and melted snow. It is IMPOSSIBLE to put these chains on without laying down and/or wraping your arms around the tire. If you do plan on putting chains on while on the road bring the following items; a waterproof suit, a mechanics creeper to lie on, at least 1 million candle power in lights to light up the tire you are working on (the day this happened no one with those stupid 1 million candlepower blue bulb headlights was available to shine these in my eye). If you have a portable 55,000 BTU or bigger heater - bring it along also. Perhaps each state could provide inmates to man these chain up areas to assist the motorists. (obviously the inmates chosen would be the most evil in the prison - child molesters, Tim Mcvay, Osma Bin Laden etc.) LESSON #3 Now that you have the chains on - read the instructions Hopefully you read these instructions in the store when you bought the chains - O well, you are screwed if you didn't. LESSON #4 When you are driving with chains make sure you don't go too fast. Now this should be obvious since you are putting chains on the road conditions are too bad to drive fast anyway. As I was carefully driving down the road (to avoid sliding into a ditch(and killing myslef or worse damagin the truck thats not paid off yet) or rolling over the top of a import car) a Saturn caught up with me. As you guessed, the person with the million candle power blue bulbs finally showed up. When the conditions were most dangerous, this person will attempt to pass you. PAY ATTENTION TO THE KIND OF CAR THEY ARE DRIVING - YOU WILL SEE IT AGAIN, with much fishtailing and spinning of the tires the Saturn zips on by and disappears in the distance. Of course your windshield will be sprayed with slush that almost freezes solid instantly. Hmmmmm. after cresting a hill - guess who we see again. Yep thats right its the Saturn, and its parked - no it has slid off into - the median. Since the Saturn doesn't have 4 wheel drive or chains - just blue light bulbs which apparently can't help now - guess who he wants to pull him back on the road - yep thats right it's you. NOW THE QUESTION - should you help pull them out. If you don't you won't be keeping the Christmas Spirit, OR if you do help him he will probably just speed off and crash into a bus full of kids and probably kill them all. -------- Of course there is no inmate bus full of child molesters to tramp down in the shin deep slush to hook up a tow strap. THATS RIGHT the Saturn doesn't have a tow strap - just blue bulbs. You of course will have the tow strap or two to get the job done - I hope you left your water proof suit on. Now as you drive of down the road be thankful that you thought ahead and bought a 4x4 (even though it costs more in gas that a geo metro) Also be thankful you bought the chains instead of beer and cigarettes that would have probably killed you anyway. And be thankful that you have just enough holiday cheer to spread to those less fortunate. A Merry Christmas to All Drive Safe FROM: fourxfun@webtv.net SUBJECT: Re: Tire Chains, Cruel, Unusual Punishment ???? (LONG) DATE: Tue, 26 Dec 2000 05:22:26 -0700 (MST) ORGANIZATION: WebTV Subscriber NEWSGROUPS: rec.autos.4x4 about three years ago a guy who lived down the road pulled in to my driveway he soon noticed it was not his house as he backed out he backed all the way across the road in to the ditch ... we were in the middle of a bad ice storm .... and he was drunk we pulled him out only because he lived next doors.. after un hooking the strap he took off like a bat out of hell made a few passes up and down the road going from on side to the other and finaly put it back in the ditch where we left it he was realy upset that i would not pull him out again and started going off on me saying i am your neibor and pointing to his house ...lol we still dont talk ... some times it is beter to leave them where they are (OFF THE ROAD) for the safty of every one else and his own